Jakotsu's Stalker
by Akimi Kaede
Summary: Lol. Jakotsu has a stalker! AND IT'S ALL AKI'S FAULT!


Akimi: OMG!!! I should be ashamed of myself! I haven't updated Helpless in like forever! MY APOLOGIES!!! But here is my happy one shot. Lolz. *pokes Jakotsu harshly with a stick* DO IT!

Jakotsu: *scared* A-aki-chan does not own Inuyasha.

Akimi: WHO AM IT TO YOU?

Jakotsu: The only disgusting female I like.

Akimi: That's what I THOUGHT. On with the story!!!

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It was a normal day for the Band of Seven (Well the band of five anyway). Bankotsu was laying on rock thinking about who they were going to kill today, Renkotsu was thinking about ways to overthrow his 'big brother', Ginkotsu was… gershing? Suikotsu was trying to suppress the kind doctor within in him, and Jakotsu was running for his life.

Okay… Maybe today wasn't SO normal…

Jakotsu was getting chased my a GIRL, that was completely obsessed with him.

"JA-CHAN! WAIT UP FOR ME! I HAVEN'T BARED YOUR CHILDREN YET!"

GAH! The horror!

"I'm GAY DAMNIT! I LIKE MEN!"

"SILLY JA-CHAN! I CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO BE!"

Her voice was getting closer. He turned to see her not far behind.

But not looking where you're going while running for your life is a very stupid stupid thing to do. But then again… Jakotsu wasn't a very smart person.

An evil rock came out of now where and tripped him. He toppled to the ground in a jumbled heap.

"JA-CHAN! BABY! YOU WAITED FOR ME!" The wack job pounced before he could think.

"UGH! NO! GET OFF!"

"B-but Ja-chan! There are only five left in the Band of Seven! You need to repopulate yourselves! I'll do anything for you!"

Jakotsu was struggling fruitlessly.

"No we don't! And there are four of us! 7 minus 2 is 4! GAH! You can't do anything for me!"

"7 minus 2 is whatever you want it to be! Oh. Of course I can Ja-chan. Remember when I said I could be anything you wanted me to be? Well if you me to be a man," She deepened her voice (even though she still sounded like a deep voiced girl), "I'LL BE A MAN!" She leaned down to kiss him.

"NOOOOOOOO!!! YOU DISGUSTING WOMEN! GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME!"

"Ohhhhh… Jakotsu," she leaned even closer, successfully making her kimono fall off her shoulder, "Talk dirty to me again…"

"STOP! OR FEEL THE COLD BLADE OF JAKOSUTO!"

"Oh! Jakotsu. I didn't know you liked it rough!"

"WHAT! FORGET THIS! BANKOTSU!"

At the sound of his terrified brethren, he shot up from his place on the big comfy rock and ran in the direction of the scream.

Renkotsu then had a smart idea, '_If I sit on Bankotsu's rock, then I'll be the leader!'_

Renkotsu then happily plopped himself on the rock.

"Hey! Renkotsu! Why are you on big brother's rock?" Suikotsu asked.

"WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT BIG BROTHER! WHAT IF I WANT TO SICK ON THIS DAMN ROCK! YOU CAN'T STOP ME! AND WHY IS HE BIG BROTHER ANYWAY? I'M OLDER THAN HIM!"

"Gersh?"

"Uh. Yeah Ginkotsu, he's finally lost it. I think that he's even crazier than I am! (And I have two souls living in my body!)"

"Gersh," He agreed.

The giant medal machine and the schizophrenic then proceeded to slowly slip away into the forest.

While this was taking place, Bankotsu had just made it to his friend in need….

"LISTEN WOMAN, I WILL CUT YOU TO PIECES!"

"Oh Jakotsu, talk dirty to me again!"

…. And was met by a weird scene indeed.

His poor friend pushed into an odd rock, jutting out the ground, with some crazy (though incredibly hot) woman on top of him. (Any STRAIGHT man's fantasy!) But alas, Jakotsu was gay!

"BANKOTSU! YOU'VE COME TO SAVE ME!"

He did the thing that any best friend would do, HE LAUGHED HIS ASS OFF.

"DON'T LAUGH AT ME! HELP ME!"

And he being the loyal friend he is, LAUGHED EVEN HARDER.

"Ja-chan! Don't pay attention to him! Pay attention to ME!" The woman glared angrily at him until he though he would shrivel up and die.

Somewhere behind a bush, the Inu gang (Mainly Inuyasha) were laughing as well.

"S-so Inuyasha," Kagome breathed out between giggles, "How much did pay her?"

"Not much. She said that she was already gonna do it anyway. Said some girl named Akimi told her too, and would make sure she wouldn't get hurt! She said was for some… fan-fiction (or whatever that is)"

So this is how out story ends, poor Jakotsu was STILL helplessly pinned to a rock, Bankotsu was and the Inu-gang were STILL laughing their asses off, and Renkotsu was STILL rambling about how misunderstood he was and how mom always liked Bankotsu best (even though their not related).

What happened to Ginkotsu and Suikotsu, you ask, well Ginkotsu was still gershing (!?)

and Suikotsu was still trying to suppress his nice doctor side. I guess they had the most normal day out of everyone!

HA HA HA!!! What am saying? No one has a normal day when AKIMI KAEDE is writing fanfiction!

"THEY WILL BE NEXT!"

Somewhere in the distance there was this terrifying laughter. But no one heard it, they were too busy ignoring everything but what they were doing.

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Aki (Dictator-sama): JUST CALL ME DICTOATOR-SAMA!

Jakotsu: Did Ja-chan do good today?

Dictator-sama: You were fine.

Jakotsu: Then… Can I have these shackles removed? *points to chained ankle*

Dictator-sama: But then Jakotsu dearest, you'd run away from me.

Jakotsu: Yeah. I would.

Aki (Regular): I'm really, REALLY sorry Ja-chan!

Jakotsu: That's ok. It wasn't your fault.

Alas, poor Aki found out she had split personalities, Dictator-sama(COMEPLETELY PSYCOTIC) and Sh'niqua (ghetto side) You'll meet her soon!!!

PLEASE PICK THE NEXT GUY YOU WANT ME TO PUT IN A FUNNY SITUATION! It doesn't have to be Inuyasha! But I have to know the anime!


End file.
